Gerald Rogers divorced after 16 years of marriage and he wrote this confession on Facebook so that everyone can read it:
Certainly, I am no relationship expert. However, something about my divorce being finalized this week gave me a perspective of things I wish I would have done different…After losing a woman that I loved and a marriage of almost 16 years, I wish someone gave me this couple of advice before I got married:
- Never stop courting – You should never take your partner for granted because when you married her, you promised to be the man who would own her heart and protect it. She chose you and she is the most important treasure entrusted to you. So, never get lazy in your love.
- Protect your heart– Even though you promised to keep her heart safe, you should also protect your own by loving yourself and the entire world. However, there should be a special place in your heart where no one can enter except your wife. That space should be reserved only for her.
- Fall in love over and over again– It is a fact that people constantly change. You are not the same person you were when you got married and neither will you be the same person you are today, 5 or 6 years later. However, you have to re-choose each other every day. If you don’t take care of her heart, she is not obliged to stay with you and she could give her heart to another man and you will never be able to get her back. You should always fight for her love.
- See the best in her– You need to focus only on what you love about her and in this way the focus will only expand. However, if you focus on what annoys you, you will find more and more reasons to dislike her.
- It is not your job to change or fix her– Instead, you need to love her for whom she is without any expectations of her changing something. If she changes, love what she is becoming, whether this is something you wanted or not.
- Always take full responsibility for your emotions– your wife’s job is not to make you happy and she can’t make you sad either. In fact, you are responsible for your own happiness which will then transfer to your relationship and your love.
- Don’t blame her for your frustrations– Your emotions are your responsibility and when you feel frustrated, you need to understand what is inside of you and look for a solution.
- Allow her to just BE– When your wife is upset or sad, it is not your job to fix her problems, but to be there for her and offer your support and love. Let her know that she can always count on you in times of need. Feminine spirit is much about emotion and change so be ready to stay strong and never judge her. The worst thing you can do is run away when she is upset. On the contrary, show her that you are not going anywhere.
- Be silly– never take yourself too seriously, but instead laugh a lot and make her laugh as well. With laughter, everything becomes easier.
- Touch her soul- Learn the ways in which she feels important and cherished. Make her write a list of 10 things that make her feel loved and follow these 10 priorities to make her feel as a queen.
- Be there– Time will not suffice, but you must also give her your attention and your soul. When you are together, you need to be completely with her.
- Sexual relationship is important- Carry her away in your masculine presence and consume her with your strength by penetrating the deepest levels of her being. She must know that she can trust you fully.
- Don’t be an idiot- the truth is that you are both going to make mistakes, but always make effort to learn from your mistakes and not to repeat them.
- Give her space– Sometimes; women need space to find their souls, time only for themselves, especially when you have children. Having her own space will allow her to renew, find her true purpose after she got lost in serving you, your children, and the world.
- Be vulnerable- don’t be afraid to express your fears and to accept your wrongs.
- Transparence is everything– you must share everything with her if you want her to trust you, especially the things you least want to share. Courage is needed so that one can fully love, open their heart, and let their loved one in. She should be able to love your light and dark side. If you constantly feel that you need to put on a mask when you are together, you will not be able to experience what true love feels like.
- Grow together constantly– When you stop working on your relationship is the same when you stop working a muscle and atrophy takes place. Therefore, always find common visions, dreams, and goals to work on together.
- Money is not a priority-Find ways to work together as a team. You gain nothing when teammates fight.
- Forgive- Holding onto past mistakes, either yours or hers will only hold you back. By forgiving, you liberate yourselves. Instead of holding a grudge, choose love.
- Choose love- This should be your guiding principle in marriage as love always endures, and if you choose love, there is nothing that could destroy your happiness.
Marriage is never about ‘happily ever after’, but about work and commitment to grow together. Willingness to invest in the creation of something that can endure eternity and through that work, happiness will follow. Marriage has its ups and downs so embracing all of the cycles and learning to learn from and love each experience will give you the needed strength and perspective to keep things growing.
I loved being married and if I get married again, I will build a foundation that will endure any storm and any amount of time. If you are reading this article and your marriage is not what you want it to be, take 100% responsibility for your role in the marriage and apply these lessons while you still have time. Every man needs to be dedicated to become the best lover to his woman. There is no greater challenge. Be the type of husband your wife can brag about.